So let's see, how did this start?
I was chillin [out maxin', relaxin' all cool] with my peeps at lunch, as I am wont to do, when we began discussing sex. And sex related things. While Chris and I argued that no dude would ever jack off with a condom on, given how much feeling is lost, someone (read: Katie or Jessica, my goddamn terrible memory has left this detail out) pulls out (BEST. CHOICE. OF. WORDS. EVER.) a condom.
Oh condom, how do I describe thee? Let me count the ways, I love thy intense redness, it makes the a-blush cheeks of the blushiest blushing bride look pale in comparison. I love thy lubrication, which makes me realize what a fucked up paragraph this is. I love thy wrapper, which joyfully exclaims, "Proper attire is required for entry," and causes the greatest lulz. But most of all, I love thy birth-controlling powers of stopping jizz, which lets me bang the flyest bitches and get them totally preggers.
While we lol'd at this condom, as you laugh now at my fucktacularly fucked-up paragraph, Rosemary (or /someone/) took it out, and as we threw it at each other, someone grabbed it. And while my memory fails as to many details of this event (indeed, even the order of throwing and this next bit) I do remember who took it, and blew it up. Like a balloon. I must say, I was quite surprised when Rosemary did this, and I found it, well, fucked up and hilarious. [stop at the first page. This is your only warning.]
So, we yelled about that for a bit, then we decided to give it to someone. In light of our group's weird-ass obsession with Ian, we decided to have Rosemary run over there and throw it at Ian. She did.
Oh god, did he freak out. [And so did his group. I'm pretty sure we're no longer welcome there.] Following this, we booked it to where Katie and Jessica had remained sitting. I did a fantastic slide-in landing. The others tried, and sort of failed. Felt good, man. We then lol'd about this all day.
So now I blog, because I'm in a fantastic mood, and this shit was pretty fuckin' cash.
Also, my sister and mom just got back from the east coast. Hurray!
9 comments:
it was a shocked reaction, disgust, followed by a a lol. but I'm still a little worried about why you guys had condoms. also worried about why there are now TWO groups obsessed with me.
Who are Katie and Jessica? And why is 'shit' so 'cash?' Are you making this shit up? The phrase not the story.
@Anthony: It was Jessica that had the condom, and shit was quite cash indeed.
@Anonymous: "Shit was so cash" is a slang term phrased from the infamous 4chan meaning "it was so great".
No one bothers to mention if they enjoyed the post or not. *sigh*.
Ian, I'd be worried too. But frankly, the only thing to do is embrace it.
Anonymouse, Katie and Jessica are females who chill in my group.
Octopi: well groovy. Gracias.
I liked that it was a journal post, but the subject... Eh, well... Yea.
Happy now? I commented. =p
I accidentally let slip a bit of my actual personality today...we were talking about how the name Emily is Em-ILY, and I was like, you know what would be cute? A couple with the names Emma and Emily.
I was thinking, "oh, cuz Emily could be all, EM: (referring to Emma) ILY!"
But everyone just gave me the look. It was really obnoxious. Homophobia is damn contagious, and is reaching epidemic proportions.
Just GUESS who this is.
Homophobia is screwed up. Just saying.
@ Anon I know who that is. But I can't really say, now can I?
@Halley
True fact.
JOURNAL POST yeeeaaaahhhh
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