In Defence of [Moderate] Sagging

//written in letter form, to present to offending parent for bothering you about having your pants a few inches below your waist.

Dearest Mother and/or Father,

I see you have taken offence to my style of dress. I've prepared this letter for your convenience, so you might understand that what I'm doing is not, in fact, "idiotic", as you put it, but in fact a logical decision to alter my appearance for the betterment of my social standing.

Allow me to explain. You once had a job, if you do not currently. While working, you no doubt dressed sharply to impress your coworkers and, more importantly, your superiors. Few would wish to work with a slob, correct?

Before you say that's exactly why I need to change, allow me to note that I'm not the first, nor certainly the last, teenager to do this. Things have changed since you were my age. The phrase "horn-dogging" no longer refers to sex, nor anything at all, and man has invented fire. Similarly, wearing the top of your pants an inch or three below the waist is no longer the act of a slob, or a gangster, but indeed a socially conscious person.

I normally find it distasteful to use the word "conform" but that's exactly what I'm doing. I'm observing the (in your eyes, slightly odd) social rules of my generation in order to yes, conform, in order to put others my age at ease. They are, normally, slightly put off by the massive intelligence (which I got from you) and this act relaxes them, allowing them to have a more fulfilling and happy day.

So, in summary, while you may view my pant height as rather unintelligent, it is in fact a carefully-calculated, logical act to... oh my. You pulled my pants up and left before I got through the second sentence.

Oh well. [Moderate] Sagging for life!