This is my fourth attempt to write this

Not because it's hard to write, it's just the keyboard is being a bitch.

So, today started off around midnight, like it usually does. About an hour and a half before this, I'd gotten a call from my beloved Lydia saying that her mother had decided that we couldn't do anything together, we were too young. I read this, quite clearly, to mean her mom thought I was a date rapist.

Though this may be untrue, I stand by my views.

Anyway, I go on facebook and rant about it a bit, and sarah shae and sasha the russian girl (props to them) decide to head to the mall. With Lydia and I. They plan this before telling either of us (or so I was told). Anyway, it was around this point I realized none of you particularly enjoy my "journal"-like entries, so I'll cut to the chase: this entire intro was an excuse for me to brag about kissing my girlfriend for hours on end.

But enough of that. Not one of you gives a shit about that, do you? No, you're here for my sparkling wit. In that case, I present now my thesis on females, after extensive (read: bullshit) study (and please don't write this off as sexist, the male thesis is coming tomorrow)

(before you read this, remember it will only be humorous if you, like I, find scientific analysis of random things funny. If not, I'll try and write two posts tomorrow. Comment, also.)

Females of the human race can be likened to foxes cross bred with bunnies and zebras. That is, they're unique, pretend (and can be) misundertood, cute, cunning, strategic-planning pack animals from some ridiculous fusion of hell, heaven, and a MAXIM magazine.

Females are generally shorter and more slender than their male counterparts, and tend to have higher voices. They keep their hair longer, with shoulder-length and longer being common, and body modifications (ie: ear piercings) are considered more the norm for females.

They are almost always found in groups, huddled together for protection from the aggressive brutes of the jock sub-species of males. Many of these groups are female-exclusive, with many male groups being graced by one or two females at best. The rest of the more graceful of the species spend time, as mentioned, huddled together for the many benefits groups present; ie: the trading of information "gossip", and the impressive numbers help deter potential predators (ie: losers/tools).

The female mentality, aside from the pack instinct, varies wildly. From sluts to nerds to normal girls to fashion divas to popular girls to feminazis to twilighters to sporty girls, the sub-species of females are numerous. In general, though, the more tolerable of the species share an open mindset, and often look for fun.

Of course, these are all generalizations. Each girl is, in fact, unique. And that is something I think we should all be thankful for.

(yes, my new years resolutions are to be less damn cheesy. Also, THE GAME.)