Challenging yourselves. Not how fast you can run or how high you can jump, but challenging your own beliefs. When I lost my faith in God, it was a very, very stressful event. Religion was something I'd been raised with, and to give it up was a very painful thing. I lost something I'd accepted as an integral part of myself.
What has me thinking on this takes a minute to explain. Just bear with me for a paragraph or two, alright?
Today was a lazy day. I got up, went to karate, came home and played mass effect two for six hours. Good times, but it's not like I'm getting much done (except for the female romantic interest in the game, but whatever. Serious post.). So I take a break, about ten minutes ago, and I look on facebook because I have nothing better to do. I look at my messages in case I need to add to an ongoing conversation between a friend and I (it's lasted a month so far. :D ), and I start to look through the older ones. Fond memories from the past, in message form, like a party a few weeks ago, or my return to California.
I don't know how, but something caught my eye. An old message from Shannon. Don't think I'm here to bash her, I'm not. I've done plenty of that in the past and I'm not about to do it right now. No, I read it, and it really hit me. She was kind. Considerate. She praised me and thanked me for what she did, and even apologized for her harshness in that blog of hers.
Many things I've never done.
I'm not sure if this is meant to be an apology, or what. I've considered that in the past, but I've always come back to the deep-rooted hatred I have for her, and the same reasons I have to justify it (thoroughly necessary, let me note, without them there's hardly an excuse, now is there?). I've discussed why I hate her before. I tell people it /all the time/. Always the same reasons, always the same excuse for what one might deem cruelty.
Is it still cruelty if it's justified?
I don't know. Tell me, readers, is it? And more importantly, is it justified in the first place?
You've seen a lot of the drama that's gone down between Shannon and I. It's entirely online nowadays, so I bring it along to you people to laugh and to criticize. But in for a twist I will surely regret, I'm posting this to see if you want to criticize /me/.
Me, readers. I want to know how you honestly feel about a lot of this, especially given what I've just now noted (earlier. Look back, before the sappy bullshit.) But I'd also like to urge you to remember her actions more recently, like barging in on /my/ relationship, when I had it, with Lydia.
Tell me. Please. Comment, facebook it, call me, text me, tell me in person, whatever. Just let me know somehow. I really want to know if this is something I need to rethink.
I honestly can't even tell anymore.
9 comments:
meh. you did mean shit to her, she did mean shit to you, etc. you should probably just let it die.
it's justified if she deserved it.
Honestly, and I mean honestly, you both have done things that can be considered rude, but you seem to do more things that can be considered mean. The only thing is she's TRYING to let those events die down, shown by her being polite in those posts. I know she's your ex, but she doesn't neccessarily have to be your enemy over that. She doesn't have to be your friend either, but maybe it is time you just let it die and stop being so negative towards her
I'm sorry if this post seemed a little mean or saddening to you, I'm still your friend and you're still awesome :D Just how I felt about this situation not taking in account my personal relations with either party
@Austin That's... helpful, actually. Neat.
@Singer and Dancer (I'd love to know your name, by the way.) Thank you, that's what I was looking for, I suppose.
@Conor It did hurt, but it's true, isn't it? I do believe it's high time to let such things die. Maybe fix things, even.
well, isn't it always good to fix things? i mean, i wouldn't want to be on bad terms with someone, but if you two don't want to be friends, then at least be polite to each other. it's the least you can do to be nice, isn't it?
Dear Anthony,
I forgive you. I forgive you for calling me names, for humiliating me publicly last year at school and online, I forgive you for forgetting so much that was good, and for telling Brandon Pierce embarrassing things about me that aren't true. I forgive you and I apologize. For anything.
Obviously something was my fault, because people do not laugh at ruining other people's lives for no reason. I apologize for apologizing so much, i know it makes you mad. I believe you are still a good person, no matter what my friends and family and psychologist say (just kidding on the last one) and I think we could still be friends. Please, please, please forgive me too. I'm really sticking my emotional neck out here.
When we first were friends I thought of you as my sun. The person closest to me who wasn't depressed. It's funny to see how the tables have changed.Judging by your blog, you are struggling with some deep issues, and I am having the time of my life. I will always be here for you. I doubt that anyone knows despair and pain the way I do, so don't hesitate to reach out.
There is so much more I could say but it is getting long. I end this as:
Your friend, I hope, Shannon.
Well there's (^) something, eh Johnny? Look, I think Conor was right. While you both said some rude and possibly/probably innappropriate things, what you said usually errored on the side of mean. I'm not really one to say so, mostly because I was cheering you on as you did it. But to comment on your saying "let such things die", I don't think it's that easy, though Shannon has just made it loads simpler for you. You've got to fix whatever problems you had, because like that singing and dancing person said, even if you aren't friends, the hostility between you will cause majour problems and it'll never die.
Also, tell Shannon what you think she did wrong, in every instance, because she made it clear in that letter that she's not quite sure. Hope that helped Johnny.
Dear Shannon (that's unique to write...),
I forgive you too. I'd like to say that I was responding to what you did, but honestly I'll go ahead and say /I/ was the one who fucked up here. Your god alone knows how the hell it happened, because I honestly don't know. Fuck my terrible memory.
Thank you, of course, for forgiving me. I'll go out on a limb and say it wasn't easy, given what a royal douche I've been.
Your friend (interestingly enough) Anthony.
PS. "I thought of you as my sun" Twilight reference?
PPS I'm not really dealing with some issues. Issue, yes, singular, but otherwise I'm on a yearlong fucking vacation. I think I'll write about that.
Log onto facebook. or gmail.
Post a Comment